NWLA Tournament Article #3: A Definite Power Ranking of OCWA Players

July 11, 2019

I realize this may ruffle some feathers. I'm apparently in that mood this week. However, I decided that since I had no ideas on what to write about after being angry, let's rank the players of the OCWA Freaky Franchise... on their skillz in NHL Hitz.

 

 

 

The NWLA Tournament is about three things for us: winning wiffleball games, swimming in pools, and playing NHL Hitz. The ride to Morenic, however, is strictly about HItz. With the dual backseat TV set up and the Gamecube in the center, 7 hours of driving are a pure Hitz bonanza. I sadly don't get to take place in this event anymore, but once I get to the hotel it's game over. Let's rank the boys.

 

(Side note: this is completely based off my experience. I also asked Ryan for his power rankings and made an aggregate score)

 

Inconclusive: Mikey

 

I'm not sure that Mikey has ever played Hitz, so I won't put him last. He could be a god. He could be terrible. Who knows!\

 

T-5th: Coyk

 

The amount of banter that goes on between him and his sometimes teammate Chris Roeder is incredible. Coyk has been working out in the offseason for this though. Expect imrpovement.

 

T-5th: Coach Chainzz

 

I'm not sure that I've ever lost to Coach, but that's not really a fair argument. He's a solid Chel guy but Hitz seems a little too arcade-y for him.

 

4th: Ya Boi

 

I have to admit I haven't played in a while. My yearly Hitz consumption is about two nights a year. However, if we're taking history into account, I'm a legendary fighter. Shark head Scott Stevens lost to no man.

 

3rd: Suhre

 

I would say Suhre is the most consistent Hitz guy. His goal/BAC ratio is always good, and he's a solid defensive player. Just like his OBP, his Hitz winning percentage is always sky high.

 

2nd: Bush

 

Now we're getting into the hockey player portion of our program. Bush plays a ton of Chel and used to play a lot of Hitz, but since giving the game to Roeder, his skillz may have diminished. An excellent finisher and can lay a punishing hit on you as well.

 

1st: Roeder

 

By a mile. Roeder scores seemingly at will when you play against him. His weakness is long nights of drinking Hitz, or a bad teammate. The team of him/Regis was unstoppable in 2016, in Hitz, wiffle, and life.

 

Honorable mention: Regis Pollard

 

I've never seen him lose at this game. My exposure to him playing is limited, but 2016 was the most impressive run I've ever seen. COME BACK TO CONTINUE YOUR EPIC RUN, YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN.

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