BWP: What I Think of the 2013 Team Names

March 3, 2013

For this addition of the Boston Wiff Party I will rate each team name and give my take on what I think the evolution of wiffleball names has come to. 

 

Freaky Franchise

An old-y but a good-y. The Franchise, as long as they don’t change their team up much, will be a name feared by all in the wiffleball community. Just try this at home, maybe have a spotter: Sit back, close your eyes, and slowly say, “Freaky Franchise” to yourself. What do you see? The long crazy arms of Ryan Bush whipping a fastball right near your nuts, that’s what. The Freaky Franchise may not be original but hell it will get the job done. 

Originality: 4/10    Intimidation: 10/10    Cleverness: 8/10    Overall: 7.4

 

Lil Pens

I would like to welcome the Lil Pens back to the OCWA. On that note, I would also like to Welcome Doug “E. Fresh” Bush back where he belongs, the leader role. James Draveck has stepped down from the managerial role and the baton has been given to Mr. Bush. The Lil Pens brings a nostalgic feel back to the OCWA, it reminds me of a simpler time when none of us could pitch, and all of us would sit in the Bush’s back yard every Saturday for at least 7 hours. 

Originality: 5/10    Intimidation: 6/10    Cleverness: 7/10    Overall: 6

 

Pavlov’s Dawgs

Maybe the nerdiest name to hit Bush-Grapes Park, Frankel in his first manager appearance makes a bold decision on his name. I’m not quite sure where the inspiration for the name came from but I kind of dig it. Of the teams in the OCWA this is the “newest” team and I am excited to see what other..odd… things they will bring to the table. Also I like the use of Dawgs.

Originality: 9/10    Intimidation: 3/10    Cleverness: 7/10    Overall: 6.3

 

*Disclaimer*

For the remainder of this article the names and subject matter may not be suitable for children under the ages of 18

NSFW

 

Master Batters

Who doesn’t love a good masturbation joke? No one, that’s who. The Master Batters will be fapping to a field near you soon. Their name single handedly jumps the OCWA into a new immature level that has never been seen before. Adam Kloos brings a whole new name to doing things by himself. He has been a silent threat that has been tugging out surprises for weeks. I’m bursting to see what he will cum up with next. 

Originality: 8/10    Intimidation: 4/10    Cleverness: 8/10    Overall: 6.7

 

Schweaty Sachs

Where is the logical place to go after masturbation joke? Balls. Its always been balls. Sacheli was having a hard time picking a name this year and at the last minute was inspired by an ill-thought-out joke by yours truly. I’m not saying I’m biased towards this name but if they win it all I want some credit. I can’t wait to see a pair of Schweaty Sachs standing on the field in what I hope is a tan or light brown jersey. Good Pick Sacheli. Good Pick. 

Originality: 9/10    Intimidation: 6/10    Cleverness: 8/10    Overall: 7.7

 

Strong Tough Dudes

The Strong Tough Dudes, or STDs for short, will take the field by a fiery, itchy, uncomfortable storm. They will force themselves into your hearts and your shorts. I’m a pretty big fan of this team name because its subtle, elegant, and has that little flair that you always want to see from a wiffleball name. Roeder nailed it this year and if he goes around saying he plays for the STDs, that might be the only thing he is nailing. 

Originality: 8/10    Intimidation: 7.5/10    Cleverness: 9/10    Overall: 8.2

 

At the end of this article I was going to talk about how these may be the most inappropriate names we’ve seen in OCWA history. If I did that I would be lying. We have had the semi-racial slurs, gay jokes, sex position jokes, pee jokes, and butt jokes.

 

Overall I love the names and I love the league. Every time I write another one of these it make me a little sadder that I won’t be playing much this year or at all. Play hard this year and wear those awfully offensive jerseys everywhere.

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