Final Power Rankings

The final week of preparations has begun, and some teams have been playing preseason games. Here’s how it looks going into the 7th Annual Opening Day Tournament:

1.) Heat Throwing Mother Lovers

Analysis: This team won’t lose very often if at all. They looked good in a preseason matchup with the Franchise but the offense struggled a little bit with the pitching. BJ Turner should right that ship, and they’ll be at the top for sure.

Win Ceiling: 20

Win Basement: 18

Over/Under: Roeder Runs Allowed: 0.5

Coykendall % of HR in opposite field: 49.5%

Turner IP: 0.5

2.) Freaky Franchise

Analysis: The great fear with this team has shifted from pitching to hitting. Justin Tomkins looked like he could chew up innings to get to Ryan Bush, but when will this team start hitting the ball? If they don’t, they’ll be in trouble.

Win Ceiling: 17

Win Basement: 13

Over/Under: R. Bush Pitching K: 99.5

Tomkins Violins Played in the Batter’s Box: 29.5

3.) Wagrupp Dynasty

Analysis: The whole gang should be there for Opening Day, making this roster as scary as anyone’s. If Mitch and Tommy can keep up the ace pitching from last season, Joe Simmons can anchor the offense and they will go far.

Win Ceiling: 16

Win Basement: 12

Over/Under: Rupp Number of @OCWA retweets: 17.5

Wagner Number of Games Played Shoeless: 8.5

Simmons Forearm Circumference: 12.5 in (31.75 cm)

4.) Lil Pens

Analysis: Somebody has to be in the 4 slot, and I think the Pens, with their history of being consistent, will be there. This team can play with anybody via smart managing from Doug Bush. They have depth issues, but if Zack Carpuig figures it out on the bump they’ll be dangerous.

Win Ceiling: 11

Win Basement: 8

Over/Under: D. Bush’s Boatshoes WAR: 2.5

Saint Ours Pitching BB + Batting BB: 199.5

Carpin Walkoff HR: 1.5

5.) Tubemen

Analysis: The Tubes have a horse on the mound in Brett Bigler, but he’s not a true ace. Their offense lacks power hitters even though Bigler and Sacheli will both probably hit over .400. This team could surprise if managed smartly.

Win Ceiling: 10

Win Basement: 5

Over/Under: Suhre IP: 39.5

Bigler 100 ft Strikes: 17.5

Sacheli Errors: 0.5

Kloos Maximum Number of Balls in Pocket: 3.5

6.) Pavlov’s Dawgs

Analysis: I’M SORRY GUYS. I really want to rank this team higher, and I think their pitching will surprise, but this offense is lackluster, and that is being nice. No power, which is a huge minus in this league. Solid arms, but again, without batting you can’t win.

Win Ceiling: 8

Win Basement: 4

Over/Under: Frankel Knees Injured: 0.5

Knill Number of Games with a Red Sox hat: 19.5

Benzing Calls Against Himself: 9.5